a dear friend once told me: being in a relationship should be very happy. i'm sure that's because she is.

i kept this deep in my heart. coz i don't know if i've found that person.

the person that will make me happy instead of me trying to make him happy every day.

the person that wants to see me happy, instead of only wanting to see me when i'm happy and turns his head away when i'm sad.

the person that will understand my past and be patient with me for who i am now.

i love you. but do you love me? do you truly love me?

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that man I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know him anymore
Theres nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I dont care, I have no luck, I dont miss it all that much
Theres just so many things that I cant touch, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn. torn.

Theres nothing where he used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings right, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and Im ashamed bound and broken on the floor
Youre a little late, Im already torn

i feel so ashamed.

i dunno where my bf is when everybody does. i don't know he was going out to dinner with colleagues until the colleagues tell me that he is. i dunno he's going to basketball games until he pops up at the mtr station. i dun even get an msn message from him for the whole day. i dun even get a call from him for the whole day. i dun even get a message from him when he leaves work everyday. he just walk past me and slightly wave his hand to me when he goes. he didn't even offer to buy me lunch when i worked through the whole lunch hour and he was just sitting there playing football manager 10 feet away from me. do i sound like his gf? i feel more like a piece of salt fish lying around. can anyone tell me if it's normal???????????????

i just wish i'm far far far far far away from him. coz then he will send me a message once in a while or give me a call everday. just once everyday. just to show that he cares.

i keep telling myself that he's like this ... this is his character. but when i come to think about it, he WASN'T like that.

maybe he really doesn't care.

you didn't do what you promised. and you lied.

why should i be unhappy for someone like you?

i'm just stupid.

an hour ago when i was on my way home, the sky was clear and i could even see the stars in the sky.

now, an hour later, it's raining shit outside, and rainstorm warning is hoisted.

i realize that everytime when i'm extremely unhappy and i pray to God, it'll rain. i thought i was just being sensitive. but it just happens. again and again.

are You trying to tell me something?

tripped and fell hard on the floor during ball today. ppl came over immediately to check if i was alright. you would have came over and told me that i should be more careful, and will bring me cream to rub my bruises the next day. 

but you just turned your head and walked away. just like that.

and that is how you tell me it's over.